over thinking is my special gift. not all have it. and how lucky they are. if you dont find me watching tv, whatsapping, facebooking , don't get an impression that i might be working really hard or doing house chores or reading or what ever someone sane is expected to do.
That while ,in case you search for me, i'l be in my room, with newspapers on the bed(again,i just skim through them for once and my newspaper reading done!) , mobile under the pillow ( i keep looking at it again and again and again for a whtsapp ping from my special one. so i hide it) , curtains drawn( neighbors need a chance to peep in)......and there's me by the side, staring blankly into the space without blinking eyes for long, thinking and over thinking (which becomes heavy brooding in a while ). no surprise why my head is so full with questions(not doubts) and with questions there comes vivid scenarios -what if this happens, what if that happens. they start to make an explosive bomb and i bombard them on my honey( who's never fed of them. well that's cute.) he answers them and guess what , my brain needs no rest! it thinks more and more until i get totally stuck. Like it happened today .
well i have promised him i am never gonna talk about any "unwanted" persons, still you know , my stubborn head can't get unwanted people out!(when in actual i want to kick them brutally! more better-kill them. i await a chance) . the fear of loosing someone makes you do this...so,am not completely at fault. he assures. i am assured. and damn , it all comes back to me again!
how relieving it would have been if i could just open my head,pop out the brain...and keep it on the table. that's it! no more questions,no more fear, no more feeling ill. literally want to be out of my mind. Its 2 am . still not slept. the symptoms so clearly visible. something is ailing me. and by the time i finish up writing, i'l feel better(if not good) .
situation has gone such worse that i actually googled "over thinking brain . am i suffering a syndrome" . its just me. not a disease . worse, "i" can't be cured of it! so, helplessly, its a part of my life now. part of "his" too!
may years pass away like a blink. may everything works out the way "we" thought.
i am never gonna make up any scenario in my head this negative! it drains my peace. better care next time! and yea, no listening to sad songs... worsens up the low mood!
p.s: i feel good now. pouring it all out. phew!
may years pass away like a blink. may everything works out the way "we" thought.
i am never gonna make up any scenario in my head this negative! it drains my peace. better care next time! and yea, no listening to sad songs... worsens up the low mood!
p.s: i feel good now. pouring it all out. phew!
Comments
Post a Comment