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I wait for you..dear happiness.

I always feel that my raison d'etre for a happy, satisfied life is writing, and sometimes it feels like just  another excuse. I can be happy in more other ways too. Only if I could dish out more ideas! My life is sort of going through a mini-upheaval. I have a stable job, I get a stable salary of 15 k each month. Still happiness is eluding me. I don’t sense conviction in the promises that I make to myself while in office, sitting before the computer, regretting the place I am in and envying those who have made it big. Those promises, I feel, are mere sympathies and lame hopes that I give myself. Having like-minded friends would have aided me in coming out of my shell and show the world my confident side, but I think the universe is conspiring against me. Time and again, I decide and get my spirits high and time and again, it makes me falter. Sometimes I just fall flat on my face. All of my hard woven strength comes undone. I retreat into my shell, dwell in self-p...
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happy 2016!!

i took a leave from office today as i had come late at home last night from a religious gathering that we have  every new year.i reached home at about  3 or something ,did some browsing on lappy as i woudnt sleep without having my lappy opened. all new year wishes poured in. then i realised i have no strength and guts to go office the next day and messaged my manager. i am sure he might have said " kya hai yeh ladki ka roj ka" to himself, but i dont care the least. how is someone who is soo tired supposed to sit straight all day there and complete the asignments. well i cant. but i didnt have a good night sleep. no peace at home either. i have only been sitting on lappy and browsing, youtubing(watching them,not making). and when my head and stomach both ached i made myself  a parantha. well, i made many of them. not because i was hungry but my dough was suuuuper soft .i just kept rolling and rolling more paranthas. guess what hw much i ate-just one. other ones were ea...
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A lesson learnt loosing 100 bucks!

Yesterday morning   I   came across an advertisement on   Mumbai   mirror for call center jobs, and as   I   am just graduated and suffering vacations (yes, I   suffer them)   I   needed something to kill my time. This was a good opportunity.Also,   the interview place was near my locality. I   went. Combed every office on the first floor, but couldn't get the one   I   was looking for.   Well of course, why would I get it if I was searching for office no. 202 (which is supposed to be on the second floor), on the first. Being totally confused, disturbed a pair of love birds (only people I could see in that dingy, isolated complex) apologized for intentionally intruding, asked them directions (and wow! Even they had no idea -_-) Called on the HRs number. Phew! finally got my path right and reached there. Wish I had lost my way and came home, at least I could have saved my 100 bucks (yeah yeah not much an am...
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i wanna get "out of my mind"!.

over thinking is my special gift. not all have it. and how lucky they are. if you dont find me watching tv, whatsapping, facebooking , don't get an impression that i might be working really hard or doing house chores or reading or what ever someone sane is expected to do.   That while ,in case you search for me, i'l be in my room, with newspapers on the bed(again,i just skim through them for once and my newspaper reading done!) , mobile under the pillow ( i keep looking at it again and again and again for a whtsapp ping from my special one. so i hide it) , curtains drawn( neighbors need a chance to peep in)......and there's me by the side, staring blankly into the space without blinking eyes for long, thinking and over thinking (which becomes heavy brooding in a while ).  no surprise why my head is so full with questions(not doubts) and with questions there comes vivid scenarios -what if this happens, what if that happens.  they start to make an explosive bomb a...
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Blues of ma lyf!

       Sometimes darkness seem ceaseless. I am going through a similar time. Everything is really sad right now. It has always been the same . But a display of 'happy' facade covered the hollowness beneath.  Its been really long I've felt a true and sheer joy within me , and am dying to have one. Only if my life was that simple. I know , am aware, all got their own share of pain, but for me, mine is the horrible one. Imagine something  which is bitter to swallow and forbidden to spit. That's how I feel every moment. Sometimes you need to get accustomed to the darkness. There's no light waiting for you . That's the only way.........   P.S :  I may regret writing such negativity tomorrow . Anyway as for now, its soothing to pour the heart out.
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Bura na mano -HOLI HAI!!

   Yeahhhhhhh!!!!  i just got a call from my friend. A holi party has been organized at her society with DJ'S, BHANG, THANDAAI!! So excited! Mine society is strictly boring and dull. Apart from republic day no other festival is celebrated. That too alternate years. No surprise ,we hardly bond with people here. I vividly remember one such holi when we as kids were thrown out of the society premises  just for breaking it's pathetic rules. Our mistake- we splattered water in front of somebody's door ,and that 'khadoos' got us out of the society. Heights! I have always hated living here,only for its unneeded strictness. "Bura na mano holi hai " never worked with people here. They need a chance to feel 'Bura' on everything.                              It's been years now i have played holi.   Though day after tomorrow...
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Effects of projects,asignments and tormenting teachers!

          Tangled, dry, crinkly, irritating - am suffering from "bad hair" this week...  all credits to my busy schedule that had me running and   I   couldn't spare a minute to pamper my hair.    I   have just washed my hair and  its pitiful seeing them in this horrible state.           My clothes have gone loose on me.   I   have lost few kilos climbing up and down the stairs at the college. Being one of the reputed   colleges   in the area and having 6 elevators, refusing to use even one is ridiculous and unexpected.  " I am 60 and climb steps easily. You are still young" is a lame reason my principle has when requested for using   the elevator. Hopeless situation!   The suggestion box hung   outside on   his office wall now reads to me ' just another showpiece'.             Okay sir, i...
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